HOLIDAY meals a others' homes

windinthetrees · Joined: 28 Jul 2008 Posts: 72

An etiquette question............It is early, but it is coming, and if your family is like mine, the questions about "what we are doing for the holidays" start about mid October.....anyway since I am newly diagnosed, one of the first things
that popped into my head was THANKSGIVING dinner at my inlaws....GASP........As far as these types of events, do any of you more experienced friends have any suggestions ? They do know about my issue, but are not the easiest people to communicate with.

As far as regular meals at relatives go, i thought i'd offer to bring the main dish so to speak....that way my mother in law or mother would get a night off from cooking. EEEK, help

ostrich · Joined: 30 Mar 2006 Posts: 4140 Location: Nebraska

If you do a search for "Thanksgiving" you'll find all sorts of threads with ideas.
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cruelshoes · Joined: 23 Sep 2005 Posts: 2501 Location: Washington State

For me it depends on where I will be going. Both my parents and my in-laws make the entire meal GF. I generally offer to bring the baked goods like pies or rolls since that is hardest for non-GF people to do. The family has done their research and knows the ins and outs of preventing CC. If they are reading a label and come acros an ingredient they are not familiar with, they will call me and ask.

If I am going to a house that is not so GF savvy, I will generally bring 2 or 3 things to share. I make enough for everyone, but make sure I am the first one to get served the things I brought. That way I have a few choices, and am not stuck eating only one thing. If there are things the host is providing that are safe for me, that's great, but I never count on it.

I guess it would depend on how willing your family is to work with you. If they are willing to let you provide some guidance and give input on what is served and how it is prepared, then enthusiastically work with them to make a safe meal. If they are not so excited to read labels or perhaps slightly modify what they have been doing for years (cornstarch instead of flour in the gravy, for example) then bring some things to share and only eat what you know is safe. Better to go and enjoy the company and eat only a few things than eat something unsafe and pay for it afterward.
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Dx 8/05 via bloodwork/biopsy
9-YO son Dx 11/05 via bloodwork/biopsy
Daughters have negative bloodwork - so far!

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luvscowznh · Joined: 23 Dec 2004 Posts: 320 Location: Groton, MA

After I was first diagnosed, I had to be more self sufficient at family gatherings. Most of them are at my parent's and I was living with them while I was really sick. It still took a lot of effort on my part to make sure the meal (or at least parts) was ok for me to eat. One Thanksgiving, I brought my own turkey since my family didn't want to substitute the NGF stuffing with my GF stuffing. After my mom tasted mine and liked it better, she agreed to the substitution for the following year. My gram made her NGF stuffing but didn't put it in the turkey. It's really been in the last year or so that things have gotten a lot better for me in terms of family dinners. (I think after I got pregnant, all these light bulbs went off for people...) This past Easter, my aunt even made her yummy scalloped potatoes GF. (I was so excited!! They're my favorite!!)

My advice is to bring your own food and explain why. The next event, they might have one or two items you can eat. Like Colleen said, make sure you get your food first. (This is now a norm at my family's events "Let Manda get hers first..") It may take a while, but they will eventually come around. In my case it was about 4 years - mostly because I started bringing my own food to family events after getting sick a few times. (And I told them I was worried about how the gluten would effect the baby I was carrying...)

My family now requests my GF cheesecake at family events. And my mom wants my GF stuffing at Thanksgiving. Smile

Good luck and hang in there. This is not an easy process - especially when you're just learning the ropes yourself.

--Manda
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windinthetrees · Joined: 28 Jul 2008 Posts: 72

Thanks all, I guess my worries come from my SIL who refused to take her shoes off after we had just cleaned the carpet and had the baby, and from my MIL who never provides milk for the kids (never asks either if there is anything she can have on hand for the kids ) or anything when we come to her home, i always have to stop at the store....just weird, stuff, lacking of general support. Shocked

oh well!

luvscowznh · Joined: 23 Dec 2004 Posts: 320 Location: Groton, MA

celiacmaine-iac · Joined: 19 Dec 2007 Posts: 668 Location: Maine

Another option might be to have dinner at your house, and take a GF pie over afterwards and have dessert with them, if they live close enough that it would be possible.
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zip2play · Joined: 24 Jan 2006 Posts: 233

windinthetrees · Joined: 28 Jul 2008 Posts: 72